The Snark Handbook by Lawrence Dorfman

Author:Lawrence Dorfman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2015-03-14T04:00:00+00:00

I know I’m drinking myself to a slow death, but then I’m in no hurry.

—ROBERT BENCHLEY

♦ ♦ ♦

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say “scientists”? I meant “Irish people.”

—TINA FEY

Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A: A different bar.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

—TOMMY COOPER

♦ ♦

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

—JOE E. LEWIS

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!” he cried out. “Hey, wise guy,” the cop replied. “Why don’t you try getting in the front seat?”

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